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The Attack of the Killer Snails

They come swooping into your garden like a stampede of mustangs, kicking up dust, trampling everything in their path! Women and children run away screaming! Grown men find their knees weaken in terror! As if they werent fearsome enough in singles or in pairs, these dark nightmares come in entire herds multiplying their damage exponentially. Is there no one who can stand against the mighty invasion of the snails?

Perhaps stampede was a little dramatic, but the rest holds close to true. Snails tend to multiply quite quickly. You may notice one on one night, then two on then next. Pretty soon the snails have taken over the garden.

However, gardeners do not have to surrender their hard work to the slimy invaders. There are a number of ways to stop the snail army. The first way is to put up a defensive wall around the garden. Fortunately, the snail army has not yet learned how mount an air strike, so they have to traverse the ground terrain. Apparently if you had a 4-foot long foot that was covered in a mucosal ooze which had the unfortunate side effect of sticking to every piece of litter that you came across, you would seriously watch where you are going. Snails are the same way. Grainy dusts like sawdust, coffee grounds and the like tend to discourage their trespassing trails. And you thought it was inconvenient when toilet paper stuck to your shoe?

You can also bait the snails, let them think they have the offense and then carry them all away. Snails love beer and like most frat boys, will drown in it if you leave a bowl of it in the garden. If you want to be a bit more humane, lay out some food like a slice of bread with peanut butter. After the snails have gorged themselves, come out, pick them up, and move them elsewhere.

For those who are a bit more offensive n their approach, you can send in a sneak attack in the middle of the night. When the foot of a 200 pound person is placed on the top of a soft creature weighing less than an ounce, it has just the effect that you think it would have. The snail squooshes. Alternatively, if you want to stage a reenactment of the ending to the Wizard of Oz where the Wicked Witch of the West keeps screaming, Im melting! Im melting! then you should know that snails and saltwater really do not react well to one another. The snails start screaming Im melting! Im melting! and water starts screaming, Im slimy! Im slimy!

But whether you plan on ending the snail invasion with violence or just a peaceful protest, hopefully this article gives you some good ideas on protecting the homeland garden against pesky invaders allowing you to enjoy the hard work you put into it.

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